Wear that Orange T-shirt with Pride.

I still can't believe she's gone.

Some people told me about her memorial service. How it was packed with over 300 people. In fact, it was overflowing with people. There were even people standing outside the hall.

But I was not one of those people.

I really really really wish I was there.

I want to feel overwhelmed by how many lives she affected and touched. How much influence she had over everyone.

I wish I was at her burial today as well. And I really do mean it.

I declare myself her best friend, and yet I was not there. Some kind of friend I am, huh.

I'm just so angry thinking about it.

I want to say my proper goodbyes to her.

There are so many things I wanted to share and tell her.

I was looking forward to seeing her in KL at the end of the year.

To catch up with her.

To laugh like we used to.

To shop like crazy.

I even started planning on presents I should get her.

I'm feeling angry/guilty/frustrated/depressed.

I should have put more effort into keeping in touch with her.

I should called her at least once a week, like I did the first two years I was in Australia.

To keep the vibe/maintain the strong friendship we once had.

I kept telling myself that I will write/call/email her tommorow.

And that tommorow never came.

There are so many things I could have said and done.

And now, it's just too late.

What Carolyn said to me was heart-wrenching, but true. It took us something like this to get us to talk again. I will never ever take my friends for granted again.

I just want to see her once more.

Nizzey, I really appreciate all the things you taught me, shared with me, the way you made me laugh and the way you told me off for my own good. And to never, ever give up. I thank you for making me a part of your life.

Forever I will cherish the memories we shared. Which I will carry with me forever.

I will see you in the future.

1987-2005

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What's behind you smile?

"Knowing that I'm alive. Every day is full of surprises and I'm excited to know what can happen in a matter of 24 hours!" Eunice Lee Cay Shing, 17, Seventeen Cover Girl Search 2005